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You’ve
no doubt heard these phrases, or something like them, at one time
or another:
“That’s
enough of that!”
“I’ve stood this as long as I can.”
“I can’t take any more of this.”
“That’s the last straw.”
You
may have even been the one saying them. When you hear statements
like these coming from another person - or from yourself - it means
that a personal boundary has been violated.
Everyone
has boundaries. However, few people are aware of them even when
they encounter them. Fewer still are aware of their own boundaries.
Most people only recognize that they have personal boundaries after
their boundaries have been violated. Usually the violation had to
be quite huge in order to even gain their attention.
Wouldn’t
it be helpful for you to know what someone’s boundaries are before
you get yelled at for stepping over them? Wouldn’t it be even more
helpful if others could know what yours are so they can prevent
violating them? And wouldn’t it be simply wonderful if you know
what your boundaries are and how you can prevent others from crossing
them?
What
Are Personal Boundaries?
Personal
boundaries are standards and limits that you set in regard to what
you will and will not accept in other people’s behavior toward you.
They’re invisible lines of protection you set around yourself to
define what others are allowed or not allowed to do to you or within
your presence.
External
influences such as events, situations, your environment, time, and
other people’s desires lose their impact and their power over you
when you strengthen and uphold your personal boundaries. Boundaries
are part of living your life from the inside out, and this begins
with what’s most important to you - your life values. When you honor
your life values by enforcing your boundaries, you’re centered,
balanced, and in the place of power - the place where you
choose what you want to do, think, and feel.
How
Strong Are Your Personal Boundaries?
One
easy way to discern if your personal boundaries need to be stronger
is to take this quiz. In front of the number for each question,
write “Y” for yes and “N” for no.
1.
Do other people such as your spouse, co-workers, friends, and family,
always seem to be telling you how to live your life?
2.
Do people often tell you how easy you are to get along with?
3.
Do you suffer from stress related diseases such as high blood pressure,
ulcers, fibromyalgia, or eating disorders?
4.
Are you often made to feel smaller by other people?
5.
Does everybody like you?
6.
Do you often find yourself telling other people what they need to
do to fix a situation in their lives?
7.
Do people sometimes seem to be put off by questions you ask them?
8.
Do you often feel that other people take advantage of your kind
and generous nature?
9.
Are you the one at work who always gets the least desirable assignments?
10.
Do you often feel angry after an encounter with another person and
aren’t exactly sure why?
Give
yourself 1 point for every YES answer. Add up your YES answers for
your score.
1-3
points: Fairly strong boundaries, although they could use further
strengthening.
4-6
points: Your boundaries are a little flabby and need work to
get them muscled up.
7-10
points: Your boundaries are 90-pound weaklings! Start now to
strengthen them!
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Experience
the journey of your life... An Inner Journey.
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